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Time-honored tradition of rooting against teams has arrived for Browns fans
Editor's Note: Each Wednesday during the regular season, NoLogoNeeded.com asks the “Voice of Reason” to weigh in on all issues Browns related. The Voice of Reason is not a pen name of one of the three staff writers. No, he is a Browns fan that takes an off-beat view once a week. Some can even argue it is more of a level-headed view. By The Voice of Reason
NoLogoNeeded.com contributing writer
Why was this statement the breaking point for me? It’s simple – Mangini clearly isn’t trying to win football games anymore. He would rather save face and not go back (re-go back) on his word (again) then try to put players in the right positions to win games. Now, I'm not opening up the whole Anderson versus Quinn debate here, but something has to be done, doesn’t it? Play Ratliff for all I care. Just get Anderson out of there as he has shown his true colors (he sucks) and leaves a lot to be desired (a.k.a. rudimentary quarterback ability).
Since this season is shot for our Brownies, it’s time to turn our jeers into cheers as we do that thing we do so well – root against other teams. Since 1999 it’s been a late October tradition for cynical Browns fans on par with raking leaves and passing out candy to little kids lucky enough to be dressed as Bernie Kosar. When your team gives you nothing to root for, why not root against everyone else? With 31 other teams to loathe there’s something for everyone. Plus, we get to watch better football.
The Voice of Reason likes to keep it local and stay within the AFC North for the targets of his anti-support: Pittsburgh and Baltimore. (Cincinnati is off limits, so says the wife.) Now, it should be readily apparent why these two teams draw my ire but for those at home who are pure of heart and see the good in everyone and everything allow me to expound. Consider me your missionary of schadenfreude.
Besides the obvious Yinzer in-breeding, Pittsburgh (as a town and team) provides so much fodder to cheer against. For example: (cue Ace Ventura-style deep breath and long winded rant) QB #7, Jerome Bettis being from Detroit, half a logoed helmet (50 percent less cool than the Browns), Hines Ward, all those pesky Superbowl trophies, Terry Bradshaw, Iron City Beer, Terrible Towels, brand new “I’ve been a fan my whole life” fans, Primati Brothers < Panini’s, the ‘roided up teams of the ‘70’s, “the Stillers”, Andy Warhol, the Duquesne Incline, Kimo Von Knee Basher, I could pick their owner out in a line up and I’m not sure I could do that for the Browns, Steely McBeam, “Slash”, Willie Mays Hayes’ sunglasses on the sideline routine, Ketchup Field and it’s awful sod, The Immaculate Reception, two of the three rivers (the Ohio is cool, naturally), American Eagle, “Cradle of Quarterbacks”, Mean Joe Greene’s Coke commercial, hypocycloids, Jeff Reed (the new idiot, liquored up kicker), their fans, their fans that issued death threats to an old lady who was just trying to get to work one morning and it wasn’t her fault some idiot on a motorcycle ran into her car, and just to make sure I said this already - QB #7 and the way he holds on to the ball so long because he’s “trying to make a play” when really he probably didn’t know the play to begin with and is waiting for someone to get open and bail him out. Oh, and the usher that couldn’t have been nicer to me and my entourage the last time I was there because, as she put it, “Baltimore is our real rival now.”
As for Baltimore it’s pretty simple to discern why they are unliked by the Voice. The town that had its team stolen from them went ahead and stole someone else’s. Now, those that know me know that I’m not extremely well versed in manners but even I can see that doesn’t seem like a very polite thing to do, especially when you know how it feels.In addition to the blatant larceny there’s the acquitted (alleged) murdering linebacker, the color purple, the linebacker who jumps on the pile after the play and gets up and dances around like he just changed the world, Ozzie Newsome’s defection, and last but not least the timing of their Superbowl win.
I offer up these two teams as mere suggestions. Feel free to pick your own marks and fire away. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be an entire team. Or a team at all. Root against the refs (that guy in the Minnesota game totally deserved it!), the announcers (cough, Joe Buck, cough), or Derek Anderson. I think, in time, once your approach is honed you’ll see that it’s a much more enjoyable process to be cynical and jaded than it is to continually feel betrayed by a loved one.
As for the lists above, I’m sure we can have some fun with the ones that I missed in the comments so do me proud. Until next week….
October 28, 2009 at 9:09 AM
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Comments
Gotta say, I think the VOR needs to change his moniker on this one. There's nothing "level-headed" about this.
1. I've pointed out from the beginning it didn't seem Mangini cared about winning this season - it just would have been nice to hear him say it. He started with Quinn in the Ball-Control (don't throw downfield) offense until he realized that he was making us all really upset. Then he went to Anderson, who's only real asset is his ability to throw deep. Theoretically, that should've opened the run game, and ball-control could have been achieved, except that it's gonna get turned over or dropped. So in comes the wildcat, which at least puts the ball in the hands of someone who cares, and is loved by the town. In sum of point 1, Mangini has realized he needs to at least feign an attempt to win, in order to pacify the fans and critics. GB was an awful game no doubt, and one in which Mangini seemed to forget that he needs to keep faking it every week.
2. Change for the sake of change almost always leads to more trouble. Taking Anderson out won't solve any problems. We'll still lose, and worse, another QB loses value. If Anderson is kept in, and starts performing well (and yes, it's a big if), at least then we have some leverage in a trade.
3. Giving up. There's nothing level-headed about it. This is a Browns blog, for, and written by, Browns fans. If your intent is to write weekly about the defeats handed to other teams that you find unsavory, or just the cities they call home, I don't see a reason for your column.
4. We're Browns fans, and we're the best fans in the league for a reason: we support our team. Sure, things aren't good now, but there's always something to watch for. Find the silver lining. Watch Cribbs destroy other special teams units, cheer heartily when Massaquoi makes a catch (he's young and needs support), and be thankful for every 3 points we get... Remember, if we didn't do these things season after season, we might not be able to call ourselves Browns fans at all, for there might not be The Cleveland Browns.
I can add the Dallas Cowgirls with that "America's Team" nonsense. The only time I root for the Cowgirls is when they play the Squealers or Ratbirds. The Denver Jackasses, same as the Cowgirls and I'm beginning to really dislike both of the New Jersey teams, the Midgets and the Jerks.
Of course it's probably that I just can stand to see any team from New Yawk, (AKA the Center of the Universe) win anything. I will NOT be watching the World Series tonight because of all the fawning the announcers will be doing over the Yankees.
And while we're at it, the USC Prophylactics.
Two words: Terry McAulay. That moron ref who cost us the Jaguars game in 2001. Every time I see him on TV I want to throw something at it.
I hate all the gypsy teams that move from city to city. These include the Ratbirds (most of all), Ewes, Currently in AZ Cardinals, Titans, somewhere in CA Raiders. I kind of give the Chiefs some slack because they were in a city with the Cowboys and the Chargers some slack from being in a city with the Ewes.