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Voice of Reason: Do I subject newborn son to life as a Cleveland fan?

Editor's Note: Each Wednesday during the regular season, NoLogoNeeded.com asks the “Voice of Reason” to weigh in on all issues Browns related. The Voice of Reason is not a pen name of one of the three staff writers. No, he is a Browns fan that takes an off-beat view once a week. Some can even argue it is more of a level-headed view.

OR?

By The Voice of Reason
NoLogoNeeded.com Contributing Writer

For those of you out there that know me, you know that my wife and I welcomed a little Voice of Reason to the world in August. Even further, for those of you that know me, you know what a potential mess this kid could grow up to be.

While I’m not neurotic by any means, I most definitely have an interesting take on most things - not typically negative, but not so much positive either. I’m usually pointing out the absurdity of things while somehow simultaneously managing to be optimistic, blunt, dry, witty, and overtly analytical. Possessing such a factual mind, emotion plays no part in any decision making process for me which bodes well during tumultuous football seasons (like this one!)

Now the ying to my yang is my Bengals fan wife. She keeps me grounded (most of the time) and more than makes up for my lack of emotional intelligence (all of the time). For the most part she complements all of my short comings, and I, hers. We really are a good match (minus two Sundays a year) and are lucky enough to have produced an offspring that should contribute very positively to society.

The word “should” is used with extreme care and optimism in the previous sentence. I say “should” because a lot of things can go wrong in the child rearing department. We could absolutely fail as parents or the kid can develop unhealthy love of fire. Either way, every potential decision and situation has a positive and negative outcome, of which, equal the sum total of this impressionable young person’s character. No pressure, right?

What I’m getting at here is something I’ve been wrestling with since my wife went into labor during the first Browns preseason game – do I really want to subject him to the life a being a Cleveland sports fan?

Times are tough now, but will they turn around? A few generations ago the Browns were a juggernaut that none of us today can relate to. I truly do believe that all things are cyclical, and as such, the fortunes of the Browns will improve. In fact, I’m banking on this because I can’t let my son grow up as anything but a Browns fan and all that it entails.

During the pregnancy I seemed to give the little guy a new “name” each week. Since we spent all of last December catching up on Lost via DVD, “Desmond” was the one who was making my wife sick. “Desmond” gave way to “Peanut” which led to “LaPeanut” before I settled on “Bernie.”

Now, my wife, knowing where my rooting interests lie, knew what I was up to here. While she played along with all of my other attempts to humanize our unborn child she was quick to try snuff out this particular moniker. Try as she might, this one wouldn’t die and he was on his way to becoming a Cleveland fan well before birth. To further his future ties to Cleveland, over the course of the pregnancy fellow No Logo Needed staff members even added a middle name – “LeBron.”

As little “Bernie LeBron’s” due date approached I found myself coming to several saddening realizations. I knew was going to have to wear a bike helmet in order to set a good example. I knew my swearing was going to need to be curbed. And most importantly I knew I was going to need to be impartial to myriad of things so that my biases didn’t influence my son’s potential choices.

While I’m more than fine with letting my son stumble upon his own opinions with regard to political beliefs, religion, and the college he ultimately attends, the one thing that will remain hard for me to be impartial on is his fandom.

People happen upon their favorite teams in various ways. For some it was the hometown franchise that they grew up with. Others root for the “local” team whose television broadcasts they were subjected to, even though that “local” team was on the wrong side of the imagery wall called a state line. The despicable fans (i.e. LeBron James) are front-runners whose favorite teams are all the teams that excelled when they were young (i.e. Yankees, Cowboys and Bulls). And, as a lot of kids do, they do what their old man did.

This father-son bonding ritual is as old as sport itself and I look forward to being able to partake. I hope to be able to tell him how, if it weren’t for his mother, he would have been named Bernie. I can’t wait to pass on generational tales of the woe-be-gone Browns of the 2000’s and how that struggle makes the current (future) success even sweeter. To tell him about Hanford Dixon and Frank Minnifield and the other stars of my youth that caused me to spray paint my shoes orange before heading off to school. These are things I see myself doing with him. My wife, however, has other plans.

Before the first Browns-Bengals tilt earlier this year, when young “Bernie LeBron” was clad in his little Browns onesie, the wife offered up a little wager in a blatant attempt to shoehorn her way into her son’s sports fan life. The wager she proposed would forever dictate the rooting interest of my first-born child: “Whoever wins this game is who he becomes a fan of for the rest of his life.”

Well, that didn’t sound promising at all seeing as the Browns stink and the Bengals were a fluky hail mary away from being 3-0. I appealed for the Browns getting points against the spread but she didn’t budge.

Without rehashing the grizzly details, we all know how the game played out. As soon as the winning field goal split the uprights my soon to be ex-wife started making comments about how when next Sunday rolled around she was going to have my kid outfitted in the Bengal tiger costume we had seen earlier in the week. “It’s going to be his game day attire” she said amusing no one but herself.

But I’ll have the last laugh, just wait. I can tell by the way he smiles at me that on Sunday afternoons he’ll want to be like his dad. He’ll be decked out in orange and brown and sitting alongside his old man on the couch. He will learn the virtues of loyalty and perseverance and he will surely discover heartache and (hopefully) incomparable bliss.

The Browns have a few years before lasting memories will be formed by my son, so let’s hope the ship is righted by then. Because if no progress is made in the next six to seven years to show that the franchise is on the right track I may have to revisit this bet with my wife.

November 11, 2009 at 8:07 AM

Comments

Voice,

Maybe there's still hope for little Bernie LeBron afterall...

Since replays have shown that the game winner was actually not good despite being called good on the field maybe the game on November 29 @ Cincy should be the tie-breaker. Then again, maybe not.

November 11, 2009 at 9:41 AM by Ryan

Luckily my wife just gave birth to a girl, hopefully she wont care about sports.

November 11, 2009 at 10:01 AM by Tom

I feel your pain. A Browns fan living in Cincy. My son is now 8 and is pretty in the house for the Browns but I can see some wavering in the future if the Bengals continue to win. His room is decorated with Browns/Indians/Cavs and Bearcats (my alma mater). My family who is still in Cleveland helps out by supplying Cleveland gear for b-days and Christmases. I still wonder though if I have cursed him to a life of rooting for bad teams.

November 11, 2009 at 11:01 AM by Kersh

I hear ya, living in DC, there is no reason for me to subject my two young sons to Browns fandom except that I am a horrible and sadistic father. And the alternative is having them root for the Steelers since I married a yinzer. Check that - it will be a cold day in hell that my blood will anything black and gold.

November 11, 2009 at 11:40 AM by Pittsburgh is for Man Lovers

I forgot "wear"

November 11, 2009 at 11:42 AM by Pittsburgh is for Man Lovers

I've got the same type of thing with my 8-month year old. My wife is a die hard Giants fan, me a Browns fan. (at least AFC vs. NFC :) ). Ended up getting him a onesie for both teams. The worst part as that we are in Bills TV Territory. I have the same thought as you said, hopefully when he is old enough to understand football the Browns are back to there winning ways (Like I grew up with in the mid to late 80s). So he'll want to keep rooting for them like his old man.

November 11, 2009 at 12:34 PM by Bink

Stick with the Browns, the most loyal fan base in the NFL. By the time your little guy is aware of such things, they'll be fully rebuilt and competitive again.
I converted my brother many years ago. Both his and my kids have remained faithful to the Browns ever since, through thick and thin.

November 11, 2009 at 1:40 PM by SoJersey Dawg

As last season painfully ended, I called my 28 year old son and apologized to him for making him a Browns fan!

November 11, 2009 at 2:40 PM by larry

Cute post. Your son will always be "Bernie" to me whether your wife likes it or not.

November 11, 2009 at 3:18 PM by Lindsy

Myoldest son(15 yr) is a Bills Fan and my 11 y/o son is a Bucs fan (and Buckeye) fan so all of our teams stink this year Except for OSU. I didnt force it on them but they have been to a few Browns games out here in Oakland and have to put up with my garage thats filled w Browns paraphanalia. No Front Runners here in Ca.! GO BROWNS!

November 11, 2009 at 1:22 PM by Greg

Voice of Reason: Do I subject newborn son to life as a Cleveland fan?

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